Combat Fishing Report Lists Three Hooks Caught In Human Ears, Zero Salmon

SOLDOTNA — This week’s official fishing report for the Kenai River listed conditions as “elbow to elbow,” with anglers reporting three hooks lodged in human ears, one in a dog, and one in a Subaru parked a quarter mile away.

Zero salmon were landed, though several men claimed one “came right up to me.”

“Best weekend of the year,” said one angler, holding a bandage to his earlobe. “See you all back here Saturday.”