Local Man Announces Termination Dust To Coworkers As If They Do Not Also Have Windows

PALMER — Office manager Craig Eldridge, 47, informed his eleven coworkers Monday morning that “termination dust is on the mountains,” despite every one of them having driven past the same mountains forty minutes earlier.

“Did you guys see? It’s on Pioneer Peak,” Eldridge said, standing in the break room with the gravity of a man delivering a eulogy. “Six weeks, tops. Then it’s on us.”

Coworkers confirmed they had seen it. Several had already posted photos of it. One had seen it from her bed.

At press time, Eldridge had moved on to announcing that it was “getting dark earlier.”